Work Life Balance Is Impossible

Work Life Balance is a Hoax

In the two days I wrote this I also:

Ignored phone calls, answered phone calls, made phone calls, paid bills, cooked dinner, reheated dinner, cleaned up dinner, drove to dance, made lunches, went to the grocery store, cleaned the kitchen, dropped off at school, made my bed, picked up kids at school, vacuumed, helped with homework, folded laundry, got another kid on the bus, forwarded funny IG memes, had a coaching call, revised two other blog ideas, discussed ridiculous current events, wrote return emails, journaled, promoted a Linkedin post, planned a playdate, did my own homework, decided a book club date, drove kids to dance, coordinated a team project, made a few IG stories, did bun hair for a kid, signed a kid up for the science fair, went to the gym, researched native wildflowers to plant, listened to a sleep hypnosis, and spotted my kid on the trampoline.

I know you skimmed that.

I also know you did it because your list looks eerily similar. Equally as chaotic. Probably even longer, heavier and more involved.

The common theme: this is impossible to balance. In part because it is impossible to sort what is work and what is life.

As a coach I’m supposed to convince you I have the tools to solve your work life balance. Here’s the truth: I don’t believe in a work/life balance.

Oops. 

Here’s why:

To balance means two or more things are maneuvered to create equal weight distributed.

We cannot put life into only two buckets of work…and…life. It’s even more odd to put them in opposition of each other.

The other key to balance is understanding the weight and value of each item. We rarely spend enough time weighing the value of the “things” we want in these metaphorical boxes.

The goal should be a life of steadiness and stability, not balance. Focusing only on balance means exactly that: focused only on the constant shifting. This becomes an all-consuming fear of dropping something. Try it. Try emptying your dishwasher and balancing all the Stanley cups on a tray. The fear of dropping one becomes the entire focus.

Here’s what to do instead to feel balanced:

1. Stop thinking of work & life in opposition. 
2. Identify what categories fill Life for you and to what value (weight)
3. Reconfigure where and why Work fits in based on its value (weight)
4. Create steady; think pyramid

Again. The goal is steadiness and stability. 

1: Putting Work Under Life

Our culture does a great job of prioritizing our identity around career. At a party it’s “What do you do?” We start young too. Asking kids, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

That was the question in my fifth grade yearbook for each “graduating” student. My mom cued me up, “Just say Happy.” No, she didn’t lower the bar for me. Yet she did show me what’s important to her, even as she herself worked the night shift. Her one word encouragement gave me the permission to think differently. 

The reality in our technology-forward culture is there is no off switch for work. We are in a constant hybrid of being available, answering emails, and multitasking. Work is a piece of your identity and life. It is not a separate costume to shed when shutting down the computer. It belongs with Life. 

It’s how much it belongs that needs adjusting.

2: What else fills up Life?

Thanks to culture claiming our main identity is work, we create a life around work. The rest is a mashup trying to squeeze into leftover time. Ultimately these life buckets get misshapen, inflamed, or completely avoided. This is the off-balance we feel trying to balance life around one main identity.

You are more than your career. Begin with the fundamental needs. What other identities are you with family? Relationships/Connections? Health? Curiosities?

These are the identities that make you feel whole. Answering this uncovers other pieces of you fading or missing entirely. These hidden identities contribute to the “off balance” feeling in our daily life.

The most common ah-ha moment is realizing these identities have far more weight to who you are than work alone.  Life cannot balance until we understand all our values more.

3. Reconfigure the Weight of Work

Make the important parts of work matter. Make the unimportant parts matter less. 

Life can only balance when the weight of work is clearly defined and placed strategically around your values and identities from above. If your values align to your passion and purpose, congratulations. I also doubt you have read this far if this is true. 

If your work doesn’t align yet, first define your unique values that create passion and purpose. Then find intentional ways to see more value in what you are already doing. This means reframing your actions and tasks throughout the day to align with your identity. These small reframes and adjustments may seem tiny, however over time make a lasting impact on motivation and sustainment.

A clear definition of work also comes with identifying, communicating, and following up on boundaries. This might look like saying no and not responding to 10pm emails. It also means adding the yes. “No, I won’t be going to the meeting, however yes, I can provide the tasks beforehand.” Or communicating “I no longer respond to emails after 6pm. And yes, I will get back to you by 10am.” Then do what you said without apologies.

The key to adjusting the weight of work is being intentional. In addition to changing your perspective on your current career, this also means having a more clear vision on your future too. A clear vision allows a roadmap to intentionally create progress every day. The result is a better relationship with your working self.

4. Create Steady

Work and life should not be in opposition. When balance is the only goal we hyperfocus on constant shifts to avoid the fear of falling. Create steadiness and strength in through understanding your values and identities well enough to withstand turmoil.

Taking the time to clearly define your identities, your true self, becomes the foundation for your steadiness. This also becomes your task manager and decision making tool. Knowing what is your foundation is knowing what you need and want from a daily life.  

Next level above the foundation are the pieces of you that are important but not critical to daily living. These might be relationship and connections to intentionally encourage on a realistic, weekly basis.

Next are the identities that help us flourish. Maybe it’s the sense of adventure. The curious sides of us wanting to do more. This might be the business plan for the career you hope to manifest. These are the things to do on a monthly basis. This frequency is to remind you of the path you want to stay on.

The result is a steady and strong life with built in frequencies to ensure all aspects of your values and identities feel whole. With intentional steadiness you will always have the foundation you need to make decisions, create time management, and aspire to the person you see yourself becoming.